Shadows

© 1998 by Charis

I am not
        so very different
                         from you.
Or was not
          before her.
(Did I bring it on myself?)
But darkness without calls darkness within
And I had mine: my jealousy, my anger
(My fear, my mistrust.)
We all do.
And when she spoke to my darkness
I had to answer.
We all must.
Is it so hard for you to understand?
One misstep, you see
                    One moment's weakness
And a short, glorious flight becomes a tortured spiral fall
Icarus with wings aflame
                        plummeting to the sea.
We look for answers without consequence.
Look where it has left me.
I rule, now, true
                 But a place like this?
                 Is it worth it?
                 (Was any of it worth it
                  When all it did was fall apart?)
I have my power, my minions ...
                            ... but nothing more.
Generals slain, youma destroyed
The blood is on my hands.

Evermore.

Can I stand yet to live?
                        No matter.  She will not let me die.
Not while I am of use.
I know my blood will sing hot with revenge
                                          again
                                          as it did so long ago.
A vengeance for those they have taken.

But it was not them.
I slew the first (Jadeite, so fair, so brooding)
       the third (Zoicite, ever seeming innocent)
For ordering Nephrite's execution (suave and spiritual)
     did I kill him any less?
And Kunzite (the strongest, gruff but caring) ...
The day his love was gone, I took his life just as surely
     no matter it was not by my own hand.
     His soul was gone before his flesh.

And Endymion, I thought --
But he is ever bound to the moon's light
And I?
I am become darkness.

Those whom I love, I destroy.
One way or another.

Here alone, in my doom and gloom
I wonder:
Other roads?
Where would a different choice have led me?
                                        (us?)
But when she returns
                    darkness awakens
                                    again
... and regrets flee.

All I have left are my regrets.

And ...
... shadows ....

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Disclaimer: Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha and Toei Animation. All characters, settings etc. are used without permission. This is an amateur fiction, and I definitely won't make any money of it.

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