Saint Wars

© 2000 by Millerna

This page was last modified: 2000/11/07

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Disclaimer:

This is written without the approval of either Masami Kurumada or George Lucas, it is written purely for fun. I do not own any of the character mentioned below in the story. They belong to their respective owners. I am not making profit out of this story.

The Emperor (Shun/Hades) Strikes Back

or something like that

© 2000 by Millerna

In a time long ago,
in a galaxy far, far away
there were

SAINT WARS

Seiya Skywalker: Like we haven't had enough...

Shiryu Kenobi: We must trust in the Force

Seiya Skywalker: You mean Cosmo

Shiryu Kenobi: No, I mean the Force!

Seiya Skywalker: What the hell do you mean by The Force???

Shiryu Kenobi: Bad student *whacks him with lightsaber* !!! You are to be trained as a Jedi Knight!

Seiya Skywalker *sniffs*: I want my sister!

Princess Saori: Oh, Seiya, good you're here. We have another suicide mission for you, won't that be fun!

Seiya Skywalker: ACK! What's that on your hair!!!

Shiryu Kenobi: Don't move Saori. *pulls out lightsaber* It must be some sort of evil alien android collecting data! DIEEEE!

Princess Saori: NOOOO! YOU FREAKS, THOSE ARE MY HAIR BUNS! OWWW! KENOBI YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!! MY HAIR BUNS! YOU TOASTED THEM! HOW AM I GOING TO GO AROUND LIKE THIS?

Shiryu Kenobi: Hair buns or evil androids, it's a very confusing thing. Maybe I should go blind?

Seiya Skywalker: Oh...Saori-san, I like your buns whichever way you put em...

Princess Saori: Those aren't my hair buns!!

Shiryu Kenobi: Now, I know I should go blind!

Julian Solo: We are under attack! Everybody get into the ship! *grabs a baseball bat and starts beating it against the ship* It's almost fixed!

Princess Saori: Eww...I refuse! I'm not going anywhere with HIM!

Julian Solo: Hay baby! Miss me?

Seiya Skywalker: Oh, I see, he's our ENEMY! Finally a fight! And I have 12 hours to complete it! *attacks Julian with lightsaber*

Princess Saori: Go Seiya!...err...I mean...I'll stand by and pray!

Shiryu Kenobi: Eek! You idiots! He's not our enemy, he's the sleezy pilot guy who makes it with the princess.

Princess Saori: Not ever!

Seiya Skywalker: I thought I was the sleezy pilot who got to make it with Saori-sama!!

Shiryu Kenobi: Eww...pervert! She's your sister!

Seiya, Saori and beaten up Julian: WHAT???

Shiryu Kenobi: Oops...

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Ahem...anyway...our secret base has been invaded, we're probably gonna be killed...so shouldn't we be running or something?

Seiya Skywalker: Hyoga the Chewbacca? Hahahhaa

Julian: hehehe

Saori: teehee

Shiryu Kenobi: I refuse to laugh at my friend's bad luck! You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Thank you, Mr Kenobi. My master Camus always told me to accept hardships nobly.

Shiryu: HAHAHAHA

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Cynics!

Hyoga the Chewbacca *glaring at Julian Solo*: Is that thing fixed yet?

Julian Solo: Oops..almost *gets ready to swing the bat again*

Hyoga the Chewbacca: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! ACK!!

Julian *bewildered*: I'm fixing it...

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Just get in the ship!

Princess Saori: And they expect me to make it with that!

Seiya Skywalker: Alrighty, now we get to kick some Emperial butt, right?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Not quite...come on in, guys.

ShakaC3PO *glares at spaceship, which is hard for him, if you get my drift*: Well...I never...that thing doesn't even look safe...

MuR2D2:...beep...(I'm firing my agent after this)...beep

Julian Solo: What are they doing here?

Seiya Skywalker: Oh, I see, you want me to beat them up! Right, Chewie?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Just call me Hyoga, OK.

Shiryu Kenobi: Yes, beat them up, Seiya. That'll be good practice for you!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: NO! YOU MAY NOT BEAT THEM UP! *turns to Shiryu* What kind of master are you anyway...?

Princess Saori: They're cute! They can be my personal guard! Mine, mine, mine!

Julian Solo: Oh...did my precious like them? I'll buy them for you!!

Seiya Skywalker: Come on...at least let me punch them around a bit...aww

ShakaC3PO: Come on, give it a try!

MuR2D2: BEEP!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: You can't, they are very expensive! They're Gold Robots, you know...

ShakaC3PO: Not to mention that I'm extremely intelligent, powerful, good mannered, and the man closest to god!

MuR2D2: Beep... *sniff*

ShakaC3PO: hehehe

Hyoga the Chewbacca *looking over script*: ShakaC3PO, aren't you supposed to translate MuR2D2's Beeps to actual language?

MuR2D2: Beep!

ShakaC3PO: hehehe

Hyoga the Chewbacca *sigh*: Anyway...they belong to you, Seiya...

Seiya Skywalker: Wow...I never had any toys before... *sniff*

ShakaC3PO: WHAT? Nobody told me about this! I refuse! I am the man closest to God! I can't belong to anybody! I refuse! *freaks out*

MuR2D2: BEBEBEBEBEBEEP!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: At least you're not known as Chewie...

ShakaC3PO: It's Seiya we're talking about! Would you really want to trade places! I can't handle this right now! I HAVE to meditate *shuts down*

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Now you've done it! He shut down! How are we going to move him? He weighs a ton!

MuR2D2: Shaka is really very thin...

Everybody: .....

MuR2D2: I mean *BEEP* (Jerks)

Shiryu Kenobi: No problem! I can lift him with my mind! Telekinesis! YAY!

Shiryu thinks really hard...nothing happens...

Seiya Skywalker: Ahem...master, I think we should just pick him up...

Hyoga the Chewbacca: We really have no time for this...

Julian Solo to Saori: So do you come here often?

Shiryu Kenobi (manages to lift ShakaC3PO off the ground): I DID IT! I DID IT! IN YOUR FACE!

ShakaC3PO crashes to the floor...

Shiryu Kenobi: Oops...

Seiya Skywalker *sob*

MuR2D2: bebebebebep (I can fix him, really)

Hyoga the Chewbacca: No time! *starts throwing Shaka parts into the ship*

Julian Solo to Saori: So... wanna camp at my place tonight?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Everybody Get In!!

Everybody rushes in except for Saori who remains outside.

Princess Saori: I refuse to go with HIM!

Seiya Skywalker: Do you want me to beat him up?

Shiryu Kenobi: But he's the pilot!

Julian Solo *staring at control panel*: How do you turn this thing on, anyway?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Oh, MY GOD!!

Two hours later...in prison.

Hyoga the Chewbacca: I should have stayed in Siberia...

Julian Solo: Siberia? Interesting, is that where Chewies come from?

Seiya Skywalker: No, Julian, chewies come from Mama Chewies...

Shiryu Kenobi: I want a new student.

Princess Saori: This is very rude. Somebody call the guards I demand a first class prison!

Chewie...oops...I mean Hyoga: Say, MuR2D2...how's ShakaC3PO coming along?

MuR2D2 *gives thumbs up sign*

Seiya Skywalker: I don't get it...

Shiryu: DUH!

Seiya Skywalker *glares at Shiryu*: I mean where's Shun and Ikki?

Shun is seen having a teaparty with both Darth Saga and Darth Kanon.

Darth Saga and Darth Kanon: You can't have us both! Pick one!

Ikki is seen on that flying city watchamadiga sitting at a desk with his feet up.

Ikki: Sure beats that volcano.

Saori: Why isn't Ikki here? He makes a much better Han Solo! He's a machoistic jerk! I want Ikki!

Julian Solo: Errrr... my last name is Solo...

Chewie *flips through script*: Hey! Ikki is the original Han Solo! And my name's Hyoga!

Seiya: Wow...so he's really Harrison Ford?

Julian Solo: Okay, So I'm suppoused to be the merchant guy, what's his name, in that floating city whatchamadiga...we made a deal. Besides, we're all in this together, right?

Shiryu: I say we turn him in as a big time spy.

Princess Saori *claps*

Seiya Skywalker: Why would we do that? I could just beat him up!

ShakaC3PO: Where am I *looks down* Why can I see my butt?

MuR2D2: beep...(hehehe)

Seiya Skywalker: Oh, look who just finished "meditating"

ShakaC3PO: I'm backwards!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Serves you right.

ShakaC3PO *glares at Mu*: Why are you smiling, put me back right!

MuR2D2: beeeeeeep (NO -- bigtime)

Door to cell opens...two heavy loaded rubber guys walk in.

Seiya: Oh..no! It's Darth – why are there two of you?

Darth Kanon: Oh..just be quite or I'll kill you. I'm probably going to kill you anyway..but...

Darth Saga: Little brother, don't be mad. You always wanted to destroy the world together, right! Now's our chance! YAY!

Darth Kanon *glares at happy Saga*: Anyway...We're here to take Princess Saori in for questioning.

Princess Saori: I won't say anything.

Darth Kanon: Oh, well..fine, we can do it the hard way. Prick you with little needles-

Darth Saga: Needles!! Where! Argh! Help me, Kanon!

Everbody: ...?

Darth Kanon *embarassed*: Ahm...relapse from the time he lived with Milo. As I was saying: We're going to prick and probe you-

Princess Saori: Ecchi! S&M perverts!

Julian Solo: Can I watch?

Darth Kanon *really annoyed*: Shut Up! I wouldn't do THAT even if they payed me! We just want all your Knowledge-

Hyoga the Chewbacca: That'll be the shortest trip ever!

Darth Kanon *really really pissed*: Won't somebody LET ME FINI-

ShakaC3PO *to Mu*: My butt is cute, isn't it?

MuR2D2: *sweatdrops*

Darth Kanon: ARGH!

Darth Saga: BWAHAHAHAHA! *drags screaming Saori away* Come on, little brother we don't have all day!

Darth Kanon: This isn't fair! I hate you all!

Darth Saga *holding screaming Saori*: Well, if you're going to just stand there whining, I'm going to lock you up!

Darth Kanon *rushes out after Saga*: Stupid jerk...

Seiya Skywalker: They took Saori!! SAOOOORI! They TOOK her!

Shiryu Kenobi: Good ridance.

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Yeah.

Julian Solo: I want my lovie wovie back!

Seiya Skywalker: We'll save her!

ShakaC3PO *to audience*: Couldn't you have guessed it?

MuR2D2: beeep (I can open the door)

Hyoga the Chewbacca: But how will we get out of here?

MuR2D2: beeeep (I can open the door)

Shiryu Kenobi: This door seems to be made of heavy metal, Seiya throw yourself against it!

Seiya Skywalker: Yes, Master!

ShakaC3PO: How does this help us?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: It doesn't but it's fun to watch him bounce right off!

Everybody except Seiya: Hehehehe

An hour later...

Seiya Skywalker *puffs*: Master...the door... *puff*... hasn't gotten any...softer...

ShakaC3PO: I had never realised I have one of the cutest butts of all time!

MuR2D2 *really tired*: beeeeep (I still can open the door)

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Julian pass me the popcorn.

Shiryu Kenobi: Atta boy! Never give up!

Julian Solo: hehehe

ShakaC3PO: It's sooo cute... *sigh*

MuR2D2 *pissed*: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! (I CAN OPEN THAT BLASTED DOOR)

Julian: Geez, Mu, you don't have to over do it!

MuR2D2 *hyperventilates*

ShakaC3PO *stops looking at his butt*: I think what my over emotional friend is trying to say is that he can open the stupid door.

Hyoga the Chewbacca: What are you waiting for??!!!

MuR2D2 *glares*: b...e...e...p

Julian: What?

ShakaC3PO: Said something about murdering us most horribly or something.

Shiryu: Seiya, you can stop now. Mu's opening the door.

Julian: I think he passed out.

Later that day...

Seiya Skywalker: I wonder where they're keeping Saori?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Gee...I don't know...could it be in that room with the sign that reads: Darth Family Torture Room?

Julian Solo: Darth Family Torture Room? Those guys are seriously messed up...

Shiryu Kenobi: Aren't we all?

ShakaC3PO: I'm going to miss my butt, but I'm glad to be right again!

Shiryu Kenobi: Shaka, why are you walking on your hands?

ShakaC3PO: I knew there was something wrong!! MU!!!

MuR2D2: *whistles*

Seiya Skywalker: Here's the plan: Shaka and Mu go in from behind, Hyoga saves Saori, while Julian, Shiryu and I give cover!

Everone except Seiya: ...

Seiya Skywalker: Or I could just charge in there like mad and get myself killed!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Good luck

Shiryu Kenobi: I am so proud!

ShakaC3PO: I'll include you in my daily prayers!

MuR2D2: beeeeeeep (farewell Seiya, it was nice knowing you)

Julian: Just get my moochie back, ok?

Seiya Skywalker: Good for nothing...

Meanwhile inside the evil lab:

Saori *majorly drugged*: And when I was 7 I wanted a pony, and what did I get? A race horse!...

Darth Kanon: Oh, God! Make her stop!

Darth Saga *counting his toes*: this little piggie, went to the market, this little piggie stayed home, this little piggie had roast beef, this little pi-

Darth Kanon: I'm letting myself get killed first chance I get...

Rhadamanthys *pops in*: Do you promise???

Darth Kanon: Ack! Get out! You're not supposed to here!

Rhady: Aww... *is electrocuted*

Pandora: Sorry about that... *drags Rhady away*

Seiya Skywalker: I've come for Princess Saori!

Darth Kanon: You can have her for all I care...

Darth Saga: Aha! An opponent worthy of me!

Darth Kanon: Indeed

Seiya Skywalker: Fine! First I blast Saga, then I blast Kanon!

Good Saga: No! I can't fight Seiya, that would be wrong...

Evil Saga: Come on, you know you want to...

Good Saga: No! I am a Jedi of Athena!

Evil Saga: errrrr...but...you hate them both...

Good Saga: True, but my doctor says violence is not the answer!

Seiya Skywalker *to Kanon*: Why is he punching himself out?

Darth Kanon: He has problems, ok?!

Darth Saga: Seiya, I am your Father!

Seiya: ...

Darth Saga: OWW, Major Migraine *passes out*

Darth Kanon: I keep telling you to take medicine for that!

Seiya: I don't believe it!! Saga can't be my Father!

Darth Kanon: No...Seiya, he's not.

Seiya: phew

Darth Kanon: I am your Father!

Seiya: Ack, NOOOOOOOOO!

Outside:

Shiryu: I wonder if we should help Seiya?

Others: Nahhh

Inside again:

Darth Kanon: Hey, I'm not thrilled about it, either...

Seiya Skywalker: My Father was a good Jedi Knight that either you or Mr. Lunatic murdered! And I don't look like either of you!

Darth Kanon: That's because your mother was darn ugly...

Seiya Skywalker: She was your girlfriend!

Darth Kanon: Actually she was Saga's girlfriend!! HAHAHAHA

Darth Saga: What did you say little brother? Oh, I see you're getting along well with my son!

Darth Kanon: Nothing, just go back to sleep...

Seiya Skywalker: So...I have TWO fathers?

Darth Kanon: Seiya...come give your daddy a big hug! *charges Seiya with lightsaber*

Seiya Skywalker: You call yourself a Father -- Eeek!!

Darth Kanon: Well...we all have problems...now stand still. I have to cut off your arm!

Seiya Skywalker: WHAT??? ARGH??? GET AWAY FROM ME!!! WHY??

Darth Kanon: So you can join the Dark Side!! It's way more fun here!! YAY!! *throws confetti*

Darth Saga: Party!

Darth Kanon: Help me hold him down!! I have his leg!!

Darth Saga: I can't!

Darth Kanon: Quick, before he squirms away!!! Don't give me that be good crap!

Darth Saga: YUCK! BLOOD...eeeewwww! *runs away*

Darth Kanon: Ack, Seiya, don't worry! Mu will give you another arm!! A better one!

Seiya: Somehow that fails to convince me!!

Darth Kanon: Have you no heart? Poor Mu doesn't even have a speaking line!!

Outside:

MuR2D2: beeeeeeep

ShakaC3PO: hehehe

Inside once more:

Seiya: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Outside:

Seiya *dragging drugged Saori*...

Everyone: Hurrahh!!!

Seiya: Shut UP!!!

ShakaC3PO: Eww, what happened to your arm?

Seiya: What arm? Oh, the one that's missing? My daddy cut it off!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: And I'm the one with the parent problems...

MuR2D2: beeeeeeeep (Finally, I get to FIX something! YAY)

Inside the ship:

Seiya *with new arm*: Hey, Daddy Kanon was right, this arm is cooler! Now I'll get all the chicks! YAY! *arm has short circuit*

MuR2D2:...beep... (oops)

Princess Saori: Where's my Julian?

Julian: Saoriiiiiiiii! My love!

Saori: Oh, Julian, I missed you!

HUGZZ

ShakaC3PO: Oh...I wonder what this will do to her maiden status...

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Anyway...we are getting close to Ikki's flying city watchamadiga...

Shiryu: Wasn't I supposed to have been killed by one or both of the Darths?

Seiya: Oops...

Shiryu: In that case, my student and I are going to China! To train! We need to take Mu! Bye!

MuR2D2 *to ShakaC3PO*: Beeeeeeeep (Bye, Shaka, you creep)

Later In the Flying City:

(Or Rather In The Flying City's Prison):

Hyoga the Chewbacca: I still can't believe Ikki betrayed us!

Princess Saori: I can't believe Darth Saga froze my Julian-chan!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Correction, my Camus-sama froze your Julian-chan!

ShakaC3PO: And then he pretended he didn't know you...hehehe

Hyoga the Chewbacca: He must have been under a lot of pressure.

Princess Saori: Yeah..right.

ShakaC3PO: I am SOOO bored! Argh! You people are boring! I miss Mu!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Hehehe...Maybe you should tell him that!

ShakaC3PO: Not like that, pervert.

In China:

Seiya (carrying Dohko on his back): This stinks!

Dohko: Yeah? Try being a 263 year old dwarf with the hormones of an eighteen year old.

Back to Saori and Company:

They are flying out of Flying City! YAY! Without Julian! BOO-HOO! But they do Have Ikki! Yay! And Camus-sama! YAYYYYYY

Ikki: Yeah... everybody digs me!

Princess Saori: I still want Julian!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Master you're here!

Camus-sama: Who are you again?

ShakaC3PO: I'm STILL bored!

The End! Or is it?

Next Chapter: The Seiya Returns: After a really long time, too.

Disclaimer: Saint Seiya is the property of Masami Kurumada, Shueisha and Toei Animation.

This page belongs to Stayka's Saint Seiya Archive at http://www.saint-seiya.de